The Complete Idiot's Guide to Chess
by Cold Ember
Summary: An extension before, during and after on the scene during Checkmate in the bullpen where David gets his butt kicked at computer chess and he, Colby and Megan discuss who views porn on their computer and when. Oneshot.


This is basically a missing scene (or extended scene, depending on how you want to look at it) from _Checkmate_ that takes place right before (and during and a little bit after) the scene in the bullpen when David, Colby and Megan had that conversation that involved porn on Colby's computer on Saturday nights.

I own nothing (which is very upsetting to me, honestly, because I would _love_ to own Colby…). Big thanks to my wonderful beta, VanishingP2000.

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The Complete Idiot's Guide to Chess

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"You know, you really do suck at chess, man," Colby snorted as, once again, David's computer emitted the loud, mocking chimes that indicated yet another chess defeat behind him.

"Shut up. Like you could do any better against this stupid thing," David grumbled as he bitterly slammed the key to start another new game much harder than was strictly necessary to garner a response.

"Move," Colby said in exasperation, spinning his chair around and propelling himself across the distance between his and David's desks, using his foot to push David's chair out of the way, sending him careening into their shared filing cabinet, cursing under his breath as he bounced off the metal barrier and grabbed at the edge of Colby's desk to prevent himself from tipping over. A dozen or so quick moves later and the computer was chirping happily, announcing Colby's victory to all those within earshot and David's cursing resumed, though it was no longer contained under his breath. "See? Not that hard," Colby said smugly as he rolled back to his own desk, shoving David back over to his.

"How the hell did you do that?!" David asked, nonplussed as Colby picked up another file and began flipping through it, shrugging. David whirled around at the sound of Megan laughing behind him, glaring at her.

"I'd say he did it using, at the least, an elementary understanding of the game of chess," Megan said snarkily and it was Colby's turn to snort behind David's back and receive a glare from his partner.

"Fine. You do it," David said petulantly, unwilling to admit that everyone could take on something that had easily defeated him many, many times in the past few hours.

"Man, you never learn, do you?" Colby said, shaking his head in amusement as Megan came around the desk and leaned over the keyboard. It took her a little over 2 dozen moves to defeat the game, but sure enough the computer chimed happily for her as well.

"And I haven't even played chess since I was in college," Megan said, taking the case file that Colby was holding out to her, attempting to hide his grin as Megan took the file and walked away triumphantly.

"Ugh. Am I really that bad at this stupid game?" David asked, resignedly.

"Yes," Colby said immediately without any hesitation what-so-ever. He paused, looking up somewhat guilty. "Too quick?" he asked and David nodded. "Right. Sorry about that. But, never fear, there is hope for you yet," Colby grinned.

"Really? And what hope might that be? The hope that Elvis fans have that he's still alive and hiding out in Fiji or wherever," David said in defeat.

"No. Elvis is really dead. You, however, are not yet doomed. You are surrounded by people who don't completely suck at chess, for starters. And second, I got you this," Colby said, pulling a Borders bag from one of his desk drawers and tossing it to David, who juggled it for a moment before beginning to unwrap it carefully, as though fearful that it might explode at any moment.

"The Complete Idiots Guide to Chess?" he said, raising an eyebrow as Colby nodded eagerly.

"CD included," Colby pointed out helpfully, trying hard to maintain a straight face.

"Gee, thanks, man. I think," he said wryly, flipping idly through the book.

"Hey, anytime. It was just way too painful to watch that computer slaughter you on the easy level," Colby chuckled picking up another file and starting to rifle through it.

"I was not getting slaughtered by the game," David scoffed and Colby snorted.

"Dude, you were getting your ass kicked by it," he said firmly and David sighed, unable to come up with a retort.

"Alright, so how'd you get so good at chess, anyway? You have a secret past of dorkyness that I don't know about?" David grinned as he started yet another new game.

"First off, chess is not dorky. It's intellectual. Just because you're not intellectual is no reason to be petty and insult those of us who are," Colby said haughtily and David rolled his eyes. "And second, there was a lot of down time in Afghanistan and it was either chess or skin rags. I went for chess," Colby said matter-of-factly, pulling some pictures out of the file and squinting at them.

"Ah. Right. Why do I get the feeling that we've had this conversation before?"

"What, the one about you getting annihilated by a computer game? Yeah, we've been having it for the past couple of days," Colby shot back, his amusement clear.

"No. The one about you and chess and porn in Afghanistan," David said in exasperation.

"Oh, yeah, well, because we have. Remember when you mocked me because I knew where the chess tables were in the park? Bet you wish that you'd checked 'em out now, hunh?" Colby couldn't resist the dig at his partner, but David pointedly ignored the mocking gloat.

"Knight to C3," he muttered under his breath and was rewarded by yet another 'you lose' message. "Ah, Damn it," he growled as the computer returned to its mocking chimes, signaling that it had once again gotten the best of him.

"At least it's not porn," Megan said as she re-reentered their cubicle with a stack of files, which she deposited on Colby's desk.

"No, that'd be Granger's computer," he shot back.

"Only on Saturday nights," Colby returned immediately and Megan laughed.

"Oh, boy," she said as she leaned against the filing cabinet.

"So Robin Brook's office subcontracts all their IT work," Megan told them

"Yeah, I see right here she had her computer serviced six times in the last year," Colby said, skimming one of the files as David's computer announced yet another defeat. "Hey, look at this: five of the service calls were the same tech, Angie Heath," he said as he typed the name into his search engine.

"I can't believe the International Olympic Committee actually considers this a sport," David exclaimed in irritation and Colby had to bite back a laugh as he skimmed the search results.

"I can't believe you're this bad at it," Megan laughed and David bit back a groan. If it wasn't Colby ragging on him, it was Megan.

"Here we go; 459- we've got a burglary," Colby announced to his teammates.

"Hey, look who she's arrested with," Megan pointed at the screen and Colby pulled up that section of the file so that it filled his computer screen.

"Reggie Smith. Our missing witness," Colby said and David turned around to look at him and Megan. "It says they were married, but divorced a year later."

"Okay, so Angie steals the information from Robin's computer, passes it to J-Light, who orders the hit from jail," Megan said thoughtfully.

"Until her ex-husband becomes the next target, she gets nostalgic, goes ahead and tips him off," Colby said as he scrolled through the pictures of them.

"50 says if we find Angie, Reggie Smith is lying right there next to her," David sighed as he finished typing another move into the computer.

"Well, last known address is a flat downtown," Megan said, gesturing at the screen with her folder as she walked away. Colby collected his keys and tapped the key to send his computer into stand by before getting up. David's computer alerted him to his most recent chess loss and he threw a pencil at the screen as he, too clicked his computer into stand by before jogging to catch up to Colby who was still laughing. "Shut up, man," he grumbled.

"As soon as you stop being terrible at chess, I'll shut up," Colby promised as they got onto the elevator. David groaned once again and slumped against the back wall of the elevator car in defeat. Colby's laughter drifted out of the elevator and into the bullpen as the doors closed on them.

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End file.
